Lose myself in myself

I want to experience freedom as it really is: Without chains.
I want to travel the world and loose myself in every part I visit.
I want to be what people don't expect and still more
than what  I am. 
I want to be sunkissed with my loved one at my right.
I want to dance nights and nights without getting tired.
I want to see the face of my mom and dad full of proud just 
because of what I am and what I'm not.
I want to feel without judgments and love people just because.
I want to learn everything I can. And beyond than what I can.
I want days full of laughs and stomachaches because of it.
I want to swim naked just because I want to. And can.
I want to lose myself in music. 
I want to lose myself in museums, learning, watching.
I want to be lost in time.
I want to go far far away just to forget. To feel. To think (more). 
To grow. To experience. To learn. To live.
I want to study and be successful. 
Make my parents, my family proud with tears in their eyes and my diploma on my hand.
I want to cry and cry, cry. Sit and cry. 
To not sleep because I'm crying. To be feeling and crying. For everything, for nothing.
I want to make a change in my life. 
I want to make a change in the world I live in. 
And make people be concious and teach them to take care of the world.
I want to belong to art. 
I want to be inspiration to someone, to those that need it. To those who want it. 
I want to play for days just like a little kid. Just as I do, still. 
I want to fill the spaces in blank. Doesn't matter the context. (?)
I want to be company and light to those who feel darkness and loneliness.
I want to met strangers with story on their backs, scars, tears, 
good days and stories to tell that become my friends.
I want to talk to people with whom I can learn from: Anything, something. Whatever it is but that makes me think about, that have a message....

Of the many (or tons?) of things I want to do, to be, to make... There was this. 

Journeys begin with a list og whishes and thoughts. 
That's why I know, this is just the beginning of (one of the many) journeys life has prepared for me. 

I want to lose myself in myself.

El hubiera que no existe

Hubiera querido que te quedaras.

Hubiera querido que estuvieras, aquí, conmigo.

Hubiera querido que fueras tú el que se robara los recuerdos, las risas.

Hubiera querido que fueras tu el que me lloraras.

Hubiera deseado saber la fecha exacta de nuestra partida,

del adiós que dije y tú jamás pronunciaste.

Hubiera querido abrazarte. Como la primera vez; como la última vez que no te abracé.

Hubiera querido que no terminara. Así. Tan de repente. 

Tan efímero fuimos pero tanto que fuiste.

Hubiera querido ser para siempre.

Hubiera querido ser diferente. Para ti, para mí, para ambos.

Hubiera querido ser valiente. Más por mí que por ti… Ahora mucho más que nunca.

Hubiera querido besarte. Un beso de despedida, un último beso, ese que me negaste. 

Hubiera querido no llorar. Nunca. Por ti ni por nadie.

Hubiera deseado saber si pensabas en mí.

Hubiera deseado saber si alguna vez me lloraste. ¿Lo hiciste? Creo ya saber la respuesta…

Hubiera deseado entenderte, saberte;

Creí hacerlo pero alguna vez dijiste que eras alma libre, indomable…

Hubiera, yo hubiera… qué no hubiera…

Hubiera querido entenderte pero no hubiera podido.

La verdad, sigo sin entenderlo y sin entenderte a ti. 

Y, para ser sinceros, ni yo me entiendo.

Sobre todos los "hubiera", hubiera querido que estas palabras las dijeras tú;

No la que escribe, sino yo. 

Por eso, éste es el hubiera que no existe porque nunca las dije. 

Por cobarde.